Emotional Healing After Pregnancy Loss

Pregnancy loss takes place in around 26% of all pregnancies and is most likely to happen during the first trimester. This is a devastating event that can affect your mental, emotional, and physical health, alongside your relationships. It’s important to acknowledge your pain and loss. While you may never fully get over what happened, with time, you will heal. In this article, we will look at ways on how you can come to terms with your loss.

What feelings to expect after pregnancy loss?

Pregnancy loss can cause a roller coaster of emotions. But remember, whatever you feel or don’t feel is valid. The bond between a woman and her unborn baby is strong, and miscarrying is no different from losing a loved one. You may experience:

● anger,

● numbness,

● disbelief,

● guilt,

● sadness,

● depression,

● anxiety,

● and brain ‘fogginess’.

Some people also experience physical symptoms such as:

● fatigue,

● difficulty falling or staying asleep,

● difficulty concentrating,

● loss of appetite,

● and random bursts of crying.

Aside from your loss, hormonal fluctuations can also intensify your emotional and physical feelings. If you’re struggling to cope or are having suicidal thoughts, please check in with a healthcare professional as soon as possible. They can help you through this difficult time.

The five stages of grief after pregnancy loss

After miscarrying, you will likely experience the five stages of grief, a theory from psychiatrist Elizabeth Kübler-Ross in 1969. These are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

1. Denial

The first reaction many people have is denial. You might think the doctor has made a mistake and you’re still pregnant. It’s during this time you’ll likely want to isolate yourself away from others and refuse to talk about what’s happening.

2. Anger

Once you’ve accepted the loss you’ll likely want someone to blame. This could be your doctor or the hospital staff for not seeing the signs sooner. Or even your partner or yourself. Yet, bear in mind that pregnancy loss is rarely anyone’s fault and often cannot be prevented.

You may also feel anger towards your loved ones as they aim to support you. Remember, they just want to help you and be there for you during this difficult time.

3. Bargaining

During this stage, you’ll likely beg God, the Universe, or any other higher power that you believe in to become pregnant again. You may also become obsessed with researching ways to avoid miscarrying in the future. Remember though, pregnancy loss is rarely something you can prevent.

4. Depression

Depression can be one of the most painful stages of grief. You may feel that you’re being punished for something or that you don’t deserve to be a mom. Anything related to babies can trigger you, from seeing them on the train to an advert for milk formula. These feelings of despair can worsen if you’re actively trying to get pregnant without any luck. You may fear you’ll never be pregnant again. Be kind to yourself during this stage.

5. Acceptance

Acceptance doesn’t mean you’re over your loss. In some ways, the pain may always be with you. But at this stage, it’ll be easier to deal with. The initial feelings you had will seem less overwhelming. How long does it take to reach this stage? Well, that is different for everyone. Maybe it will take a few months. Or perhaps not until the birth of another baby.

Remember, each person is different, and there is no right or wrong when it comes to grieving. You may feel all the stages of grief or only a few. You may experience them in the order above, or a completely different one. Either way, everything you are feeling right now is normal.

Feeling a sense of relief?

This is much less spoken about after miscarrying, but some women experience a sense of relief. This leads to feelings of guilt and shame. If you’re experiencing relief, remember that this is normal too. Maybe the pregnancy was unplanned? Or financially unviable? Or perhaps there isn’t even a reason? Either way, you’re not a bad person, and your feelings are valid!

How to emotionally heal after pregnancy loss?

It’s important to embrace everything that you’re feeling, no matter how dark or sad it is. This is the only way to begin healing. Remember, always be kind to yourself, and give yourself the space to process what’s happened.

Emotional healing: your mind

Depression, anxiety, and grief are some of the strongest feelings you’ll have after pregnancy loss. These feelings can last for more than a year, especially if you’ve been trying for a baby for a while. Not only are you experiencing the loss of a child but also the loss of a future. It’s important to take care of your mental health. Embrace everything you feel and try to be open with those around you. It’s okay to not be okay, and no one is expecting you to get over this quickly. To take care of your mental wellbeing, try:

● Speaking with a therapist

They can help you through this difficult time and offer your healthy coping mechanisms. It can also be helpful to speak to someone who is detached from the situation. This way, you’ll have the freedom to speak your mind.

● Prioritizing self-care

This includes exercising and eating a nutritious diet. It’s also about making time for doing activities you love, such as reading, yoga, or anything that gives you joy. You could even start a new hobby as a healthy way to take your mind off what’s happened.

● Mindfulness meditation

Research shows that practicing mindfulness training can help reduce rumination, which is common when grieving. So, incorporate 10 minutes of mindfulness meditation into your daily routine.

Sit in a comfortable position and focus on your breathing. When your mind starts to wander, simply let these thoughts pass without judgment and refocus on your breath. Doing so can help you manage your anxiety and depression. Not to mention, you’ll discover more parts of yourself as you go through this process.

● Joining a miscarriage support group

Speaking with other women who’ve been through something similar can really help. Sharing your story in a safe space with others who understand can help you feel a little less isolated. Besides, there’s nothing more empowering than connecting with other women through shared experiences.

Emotional healing: your body

After miscarrying, it’s normal to feel disconnected from your body. Many women feel angry, frustrated, or disappointed by their bodies. It’s also normal to view your body as a traumatic site. Remember to be kind to yourself. This wasn’t your or your body’s fault, and you can still go on to have a healthy baby. According to the American Pregnancy Association, around 85% of women who’ve experienced pregnancy loss go on to have healthy pregnancies. Many even fall pregnant within a year of having a miscarriage. To reconnect with your body, try:

● Exercising once a day

This can be anything such as weight training, cardio, or yoga. Exercising will release a surge of happy hormones and help you appreciate your body and all its amazing capabilities.

● Eating a healthy diet

Feed your body the nutrients it needs to function. Eat plenty of vegetables, fruits, nuts, seeds, legumes, fish, chicken, and healthy carbohydrates like sweet potato, and quinoa. What you put into your body has a huge impact on how you view it.

● Appreciate your body daily

Make time each day to stop and really appreciate your body. After all, your body is truly wonderful. It’s your mode of transport, your home, and many other things. Taking time to moisturize your face or wear beautiful, comfy clothes are some ways to appreciate your beautiful and strong body.

Emotional healing: your baby

Emotional attachment develops very early on in a pregnancy. This makes miscarrying as painful as losing a child. It’s important to give yourself the time and space to mourn the loss of your unborn baby. To do this, try:

● Acknowledging the pregnancy

Try to speak openly about your pregnancy with your loved ones. If you miscarried before you announced your pregnancy, tell your family and friends about it. Grieving in silence is much more painful than grieving surrounded by love and support. If you miscarried later on and already had a name picked out, refer to the baby by their name. Make them a part of your family’s history.

● Memorializing the baby

Acknowledging the potential life and loss of your baby can help you heal. You could have a memorial plaque made or wear a special piece of jewelry. You could even get a beautiful tattoo to symbolize your baby.

Emotional healing: your partner

Women and men often process pregnancy loss in very different ways. Many men don’t feel attached to the baby until much later in the pregnancy. So, your partner may be less affected than you are. He will likely be more concerned about you than the loss. Try not to feel anger or resentment towards him. It may seem he doesn’t care as much when in reality, he’s going through a different emotional process. During this time, it’s important for you both to:

● Be open with each other

Be honest about how you’re both feeling and what’s happened. Talk regularly about it if you need to. Be transparent about what your new needs are so they can try to meet them.

● Focus on intimacy

It’s normal for couples to feel distant when something like this happens. But, now more than ever, you need each other. Spend plenty of time together for date nights, outdoor fun, or simply cuddling up together in front of the telly. Allow yourself to be loved and give love during this process.

● Not to blame each other

At some point, you both may want someone to blame. But remember, pregnancy loss is very rarely anyone’s fault. You should come together as a team and face this problem together. Doing so will also strengthen your bond and bring you closer together.

Emotional healing: your loved ones

Pregnancy loss is still somewhat of a taboo topic in today’s society. This can leave you feeling very isolated. But you don’t need to be. Be honest with your loved ones and get them on board as you heal. Thinking you’re the only one who really cares about your unborn baby can make miscarrying even more painful. Having your family members acknowledge the baby can help you feel less alone. Try:

● Being honest with your children

If you have other children, talk about the loss with them. Explain that they have a little brother or sister who loves them very much from afar.

● Having a family memorial

You and your family can honor your baby by coming together for some sort of celebration. You can have a memorial service or go out for a special meal.

● Donating to charity

Ask your loved ones to donate to a chosen charity relating to pregnancy loss or women. Knowing your donations might go on to help someone else can bring you some peace of mind.

Emotional healing: future pregnancies

Getting pregnant straight away may seem like the answer, but unfortunately, it isn’t. No other pregnancy or baby will replace this loss, and that’s okay. Instead, focus on other activities that brought you joy before the pregnancy. Of course, if you want a child, you can try again as soon as the doctor gives you the green light. If you do become pregnant again, it’s normal to feel very anxious, especially around the same time as your previous miscarriage. Take it day-by-day, and avoid thinking about the pregnancy as a whole. Try:

● Empowering yourself with knowledge

The more you know about both pregnancy and pregnancy loss, the less you’ll feel afraid.

● Taking care of yourself

Eating well and exercising will help you feel more confident in your body’s ability. Not to mention, both can improve your mental health.

● Checking in with your doctor regularly

Checking in with your doctor by phone or appointment can help ease your mind. If you experience any strange symptoms, don’t hesitate to visit the hospital. It will most likely be nothing, but putting your mind at rest is priceless.

One final thought…

There are no rules when it comes to healing from pregnancy loss. It’s a process filled with ups and downs. But one day, the pain will be bearable. You aren’t alone, and everything you’re feeling is valid. For more tips and advice on health and wellness, check out Beginning.com’s expert-led masterclasses.