Sex After Menopause?
Sex in your postmenopausal years can be a bit of a Catch-22. On the one hand, you no longer have to worry about periods or getting pregnant. You likely have more freedom, so you can fully focus on your sexual needs. On the other hand, menopause comes with many physiological changes that may affect intimacy. Many postmenopausal women notice that they aren’t easily aroused as before or that sex is painful. So, what can you do? Give up sex for good? Not quite! We’re about to unpack what causes a decrease in libido and practical tips to keep your sex life afloat in postmenopause.
Which factors affect your sexual desire?
As you age, the reproductive cycle starts slowing down and preparing to stop. This cycle has been working since puberty. The closer you are to menopause, the fewer estrogens (female sex hormones) your body produces. During perimenopause (the transition to menopause) estrogen takes a nosedive. This can decrease sexual desire and make it difficult for you to get aroused. It may cause vaginal dryness too, which makes sex painful.
In addition, perimenopause, menopause, and postmenopause come with a wealth of physical and emotional symptoms. Hot flashes, sleep issues, mood swings, and weight gain amongst other conditions can affect your health, body image and, ultimately, your sex life. If you are menopausal, you may experience the following symptoms:
Low Libido
Sex drive generally declines among both men and women as they get older. However, women are 2 to 3 times more likely to experience a waning sex drive in middle age. In fact, about 12% of women between the ages of 45 and 64 report a lack of sexual desire. The reason? You may have guessed it — low estrogen levels. Low testosterone is also to blame.
In addition to low estrogen and testosterone levels, experts believe that other changes in your body can also have an impact. Adrenal, thyroid, and growth hormones can contribute to sexual dysfunction as well.
- Adrenal Dysfunction. With increasing age, the levels of DHEA (the hormone produced by your adrenal glands) decrease steadily, but the amount of cortisol either remains constant or actually increases.
- Hypothyroidism. It is not uncommon for patients with an underactive thyroid to discover that they have a decrease in sexual interest.
- Metabolic Syndrome. Women with metabolic syndrome report having a lower sex drive.
Painful Sex
Lower estrogen production can also make your vaginal wall thinner and drier, making sex uncomfortable and even painful. Estrogen, which typically stimulates the release of natural lubricant and replenishes the vaginal lining, is low in supply. And so, the vaginal lining thins, shrinks, and dries out. It also becomes less elastic. Your doctor may call this “vulvovaginal atrophy.”
When the tissue inside your vagina thins, penetration can become painful. Pain during sex is called dyspareunia. The pain can feel sharp or burning. If the inside of the vagina thins enough, it can tear or bleed during sex.
Naturally, painful sex can make you worry and may start weighing on you. Anxiety reduces lubrication even more and may cause you to clench the muscles of your vagina during sex. If sex becomes too painful, you may avoid it entirely. This can trigger an endless cycle of becoming too worried about the pain while having sex and/or anxiety that may come with not pleasing your partner.
Other conditions that cause a drop in libido
Menopause can be extremely draining on the body and related other symptoms can all lead to a lack of sexual desire.
- Hot Flashes and Sleep Issues. We understand. It’s pretty hard to get in the mood when you are tired and having problems falling asleep. Low levels of progesterone can interfere with your ability to fall and stay asleep. Hot flashes, which are the most common menopause symptom, can also disturb your sleep and lower your desire to have sex.
- Mood Swings. Fluctuating hormones can wreak havoc on your emotions. Women going through menopause sometimes feel alternatively irritable and sad. Some experience depression. In other words, women can go through a variety of moods in a short period. This can make it hard for you to get in the mood, or for your partner to want to be intimate with you.
- Weight gain. Menopausal hormonal changes might make you put on weight, especially around your abdomen. However, weight gain is also the result of aging and other factors such as lifestyle and genetics. Feeling self-conscious about your weight and looks can make you avoid sex and prevent you from getting in the mood for it.
8 Practical Tips to Improve Your Sex Life
There are many options to preserve and improve your sex life during perimenopause, menopause, and postmenopause. Here are 8 helpful tips you can follow.
1. See your doctor
If you’re going through menopause and noticing changes in your libido, your doctor can help determine the underlying cause of those changes. And, they will be able to help you with treatments if they are necessary. Your doctor can suggest treatments, including:
- home remedies,
- over-the-counter (OTC) medications,
- and prescription medications.
Depending on why your sex drive has decreased, your doctor might refer you to another professional for help. For example, they might recommend a sex therapist if there’s no physical cause for your decreased libido, or marital counseling if you and your partner want help improving your relationship.
2. Lubricants
Lubricants can ease vaginal dryness and help make sex more comfortable. There are a number of lubricants that can help but, first, you need to determine which one is best for you. Oil- or Petroleum-based lubricants have always been popular. Products like vaseline, although effective, are sticky, thick, and can stain bed sheets. Additionally, they can make condoms more prone to breakage.
It’s also important to be wary of the ingredients. Propylene glycol can alter the vaginal flora and make you more susceptible to yeast infections and bacterial vaginosis. Lubricants containing chlorhexidine can cause burning and irritation. Lubricants made from carbophil or cellulose, are helpful daily vaginal moisturizers but not necessarily great for sex.
So, you may just be wondering, what exactly can I use? Water-based lubricants (now available in a variety of stores) are better alternatives. You can also try out natural alternatives such as coconut and olive oil. A small drop is all you’ll need!
3. Masturbation
During and after menopause, women start to think differently about their bodies and their sexuality. Instead of letting this impact your self-esteem and sexuality, celebrate yourself! You can easily do this with a bit of solo play. Don’t be shy as self-stimulation is an integral part of our sexual health.
Not sure where to start? Vibrators are great options as they increase vascularity in the genital region. The increased blood flow not only increases arousal but also boosts estrogen delivery to the area. In turn, this can help with lubrication and rejuvenation.
Overall, masturbation (with or without toys) is also important to keep mentally and psychologically in tune with yourself and your sexuality. It will help you discover what works for you now. In addition, it may keep your sexual activity up on a regular basis, translating into the bedroom.
4. Exercise
Exercise regulates weight and improves your mood. That’s because exercise releases endorphins — brain chemicals that reduce stress and trigger positive emotions. Regular exercise also stimulates blood flow, which is key to getting oxygen flowing around your body.
If you’re new to exercise or haven’t exercised in a while, start slow and work toward exercising for at least 30 minutes a day. At first, that may mean exercising for 10 minutes a day until you build up your endurance. You should also consider trying an activity that you’ve always been interested in but haven’t tried before. The point is to do something that you enjoy so that exercise doesn’t feel like work.
5. Communicate with your partner
Loss of libido during menopause is often due to physical symptoms. However, deepening the special bond with your partner might also help you get in the mood for sex. The best way to do this is to openly communicate about all the changes you are going through.
Many women also don’t discuss the pain that they feel during sex. They struggle in silence for fear of judgment or concern that their partner will lose interest in them. If not properly communicated with, your partner will simply not understand what is happening and could blame themselves.
Don’t hesitate to speak up. By working together, you and your partner can come up with alternative solutions and techniques to enhance your intimacy.
6. Focus on intimacy
Sex isn’t the only way to feel close to your partner. Kissing, caressing, and other nonsexual acts of intimacy can actually boost your sex drive. Try and increase the amount of foreplay before engaging in penetration. For menopausal women, foreplay is critical for the right amount of arousal as well as to ensure enough lubrication has taken place.
7. Kegel exercises
Kegel exercises can help tighten your pelvic muscles and enhance sensations during sex. To perform this exercise, you’ll first need to locate the correct muscles. Then, contract your pelvic floor muscles and hold the contraction for five seconds. Then slowly release for five seconds. Work up to repeating this move 10 times, 3 times a day
8. Therapy
Sex therapists are mental health providers who address emotional and relationship issues in the same way that other therapists do. But, they use their special training to emphasize learning to talk about sexual feelings openly. The goal is to empower couples to understand the nature and sources of their sexual problems, better express their sexual needs, and broaden their menu of sexual expression.
If you are troubled by low libido, for instance, a sex therapist will try to create an atmosphere in which you feel less pressured and eventually more receptive to sex. Therapy can help both partners manage their expectations as well as their insecurities when it comes to the drop in libido. Open communication, as mentioned, is key in effectively managing this tricky time of life.
Want to learn more?
If you wish to discover more about sex and menopause, check out our other blogs in the library catalog, only at Beginning.com.
