6 Friendship Red Flags You Shouldn’t Ignore
When we hear the term red flag, we automatically think of romantic relationships. But red flags can appear in friendships as well. Friendships should uplift you, inspire you, and be equal parts of give and take. However, this isn’t always the case. There are plenty of friendship red flags that signal a toxic friend. Unsurprisingly, a lot of them are similar to the red flags in romantic relationships. In this article, we’ll discover the 6 friendship red flags you shouldn’t ignore and what you can do about them. So, keep reading to become a pro at spotting red flags!
What is a red flag?
Have you ever had a weird gut feeling about someone? Or noticed that what they say and do doesn’t add up? Well, this is a sign that you’re encountering a red flag. Psychologists describe red flags as a “funny feeling that something isn’t right”. You might dismiss this feeling or see it as a one-off. But red flags actually give you a glimpse into a person’s true self. In friendships, learning to spot red flags can help you avoid being in a toxic or one-sided situation. So, what exactly are they? We’ll get onto that now!
The 6 red flags you shouldn’t ignore in friendships
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The friendship feels one-sided
Are you the one always reaching out, arranging to meet up, and generally keeping the friendship afloat? This is a major red flag and not to mention very hurtful. Friendships should be 50/50 and a mutual effort on both sides to keep the connection alive. Of course, with other commitments, you may not always have much time for each other. But a true friend will want to touch base from time to time.
Remember:
If your friend suddenly acts distant, they might just be going through a tough time or are very busy. Try not to jump to any conclusions, and communicate how you’re feeling.
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They gossip
Once a gossip always a gossip? Or something like that…
Does your friend gossip about other people? Even their own friends? Well, you can bet they’re doing the exact same about you too! Friendships require trust and a mutual understanding that anything said, stays between you two. Someone who talks behind your back is not someone you want around.
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They are jealous
A jealous friend can present in many different ways. Maybe they turn everything into a competition? Think, “if you’ve been to the moon and back, they’ve done it twice”. Or perhaps they get visibly annoyed when someone asks for your number at a bar? Maybe they even go as far as to give you sly putdowns? Either way, it’s a red flag and not something you need. Friends should want you to succeed. Not turn everything into a competition and secretly hope you fail.
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They treat you like a therapist
Sometimes you’re a listener, and other times you’re the one with a problem that needs dissecting. In a healthy friendship, these roles should interchange effortlessly. However, be wary of a person who’s quick to share their problems with you. But when it’s your turn, their eyes glaze over and they divert the conversation back to themselves. This person does not have your back but expects you to have theirs. The friendship will be draining and one-sided. Plus, you’re not here to be someone’s free personal therapist – it’s a big no-no!
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They don’t respect your boundaries
Boundaries are a set of rules that demonstrate how people should treat you. Does your friend constantly test your boundaries or ignore them altogether? This is a huge red flag! This can look like using your belongings without asking, or pressuring you to do something you don’t want to. Only you know your boundaries, and only you can set them.
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You feel drained after being with them
This one’s a biggie! Take note of how you feel after spending time with your friend. Do you feel upbeat and ready to conquer the world? Or like you need to lie down? If it’s the latter, this is a huge red flag! Healthy friendships should give you energy and not emotionally drain you.
And with new friendships?
If you’ve just made a new friend, not all of the above will apply. However, there are some other red flags to look out for in a budding new friendship. These include:
- oversharing straight away;
- rushing the friendship along;
- trying to buy you or the friendship;
- not asking you questions about yourself;
- trying to control arrangements;
- and finally, if they seem to have no other friends.
Friendships should progress naturally and feel comfortable. Anything that feels “off” or is too much too soon, is a cause for concern. Listen to your gut, it’s very rarely wrong!
What to do if you spot a red flag?
If anything we’ve said above sounds vaguely familiar, you’re probably wondering what to do next. Well, the first thing to do is acknowledge that the red flag happened. It’s easy to make excuses for other people, but avoid doing this.
Recognizing that you don’t feel comfortable with certain behaviors is the first step in establishing boundaries.
Next, communicate to your friend how you’re feeling A.K.A set the boundary.
If you notice a change, then maybe they didn’t realize what they were doing. Hey, we all make mistakes sometimes! However, if they continue, or change for a while and then go back to their old ways, this is a red flag. Consider if this friendship is for you. Remember, friendships should uplift you and be equal parts give and take!
Prioritize your wellbeing
Did you know that toxic friendships can affect your health? That’s right, researchers at UCLA discovered that stressful friendships can lead to higher levels of protein in the body, which causes inflammation. Over time, this can cause serious health problems such as diabetes, heart disease, and even cancer. Anything that causes significant mental stress will naturally affect your physical health. This is why it’s important to walk away from toxic relationships, whether platonic or romantic. Luckily, friendships are much easier to leave. So, if you’ve tried communicating how you’re feeling and nothing’s changed, it’s probably best to call it quits. Do it for the sake of your mental wellbeing!
One last thing…
Relationships in any shape are certainly complex. For more advice on everything from romantic relationships to platonic friendships, check out our library of blogs at Beginning.com.